Regardless of your current relationship status, remember that being in a long-term, committed relationship is not a healthy main goal in life. Many cultural messages point toward romantic relationships as essential to having meaning and purpose in life, yet this is not satisfying and fulfilling to everyone. For those who identify as asexual, prefer being single, or have yet to meet someone to whom they would like to commit, remember that self-worth is not dependent on romance. Release yourself from the lie that you need someone else to make you whole. If you are in a romantic relationship, keep in mind that your wholeness exists outside of your partner(s). Practicing intentional communication, sharing responsibility and goals, and nurturing individual interests are all helpful relationship tools, especially for HSPs.

Intentional Communication

Some HSPs fear their needs are too much for non-HSPs and wonder if they need to be in a relationship with another HSP. Others consider that having two HSPs in a relationship can be a lot to navigate. Both groups have legitimate concerns, and there is no “right” answer. For an HSP, it can be intimidating to label and ask for what you need. For a non-HSP, it can be hard to admit that you also have needs and to express them when they seem less intense than the HSP’s needs. A non-HSP may prefer a cool environment for sleep, but an HSP may be unable to sleep if it is too hot. What is a preference for one might be a need for another, and being able to communicate clearly and honestly about this is important. When you can identify and state your needs, listen compassionately to your partner’s needs, and work together for compromise, it can create a profound experience of safety, compassion, and connection.

Share Experience Over Competition

In romantic relationships, it is helpful to move out of the mind-set of competition, where you see yourself as “winning,” “losing,” or “getting your way.” Consider moving into a mind-set of shared experience. The goals is for the couple, as a unit, to have their needs met individually and collectively and to enjoy themselves. If one person is suffering, then it is likely that the unit is suffering, and it can be helpful to intervene for the benefit of everyone. For example, non-HSPs may need to be reminded that topics cannot be consistently avoided simply because the HSP partner will be emotional. These emotions need space to be processed, and the HSP needs to know how to handle emotional fluctuations. HSPs can have big emotions and be okay, even better, after processing emotions effectively. This will likely take more time than it would for a non-HSP, and that’s okay.

Intentional Solo Time

Not every activity needs to be done together. If Jordan loves going to loud concerts and Hyun loves quiet evenings in, it would make sense for this couple to schedule some activities apart. Being intentional about when they do things together versus apart is essential to Jordan and Hyun being on the same page. Identifying which activities are couple, friend, or solo activities can be helpful and avoid hurt feelings. Occasionally sharing things together, like Hyun going to a concert with Jordan or Jordan doing a puzzle with Hyun is also important. Sharing why certain activities are important to you and understanding why your partner loves what they love goes a long way toward limiting resentfulness, feeling seen and cared for by your partner, and helping your partner prioritize what they need to feel good. Respectful, intentional communication and mindful, joint decision-making can lead to both partners’ needs being accounted for.